Sunday, July 04, 2010

five is a crowd

Yes, it's been a while... either because life has been so dull at our house that nothing worth writing about has happened in several months, OR because too much has been happening. Whichever the case, I now somberly submit:
15 reasons not to take five little boys on a "hotel-sleepover":

1. even if the hotel room is ballroom size, it will be too small not make the walls shake, earning the family some not-to0-friendly looks when boarding the elevator... (at least a large family tends to fill the entire lift, leaving no room for Mrs. Raised Eye-Brows to join you for an awkward journey to the lower level),
2. the baby will not like his (very cute) bed because, it being a third the size of his regular sleeping quarters, will inevitably yield either a smushed face or two too long legs escaping the cozy confinement,
3. one boy will have a fever which (despite the comforting presence of our friend Tylenol) will put him out of sorts deep into the midnight hours,
4. another little man will be unable to sleep due to a pillow that is too big, forcing his head into the "stay-awake-posture",
5. someone will find a hole in his underwear – and who can sleep with a hole in his underwear?
6. yet another will fall out of his bed with a big bang and resulting waiiiil!!! at 2am,
7. the baby will wake at 4am –and so will the rest of the room,
8. 7 am will come 3 hours too late for the children and 3 hours too early for the adults,
9. the sole intent of a complimentary breakfast is of course to give the queen-mother a break from the regular routine - no cooking and especially no cleaning up... except when a yogurt volcano unexpectedly erupts to cover the breakfast room rug and windows with some under-appreciated abstract dairy-art,
10. during emergency volcano clean-up, the baby will spit up into the queen's clothes and a gravity assisted sour milk trickle will seek out her flip-flops,
11. beware that hotel employees apparently have not been enlightened regarding The 10-Second Rule and will kindly reprimand the queen-mother should she attempt to rescue toast off the floor in order to feed it to a boy,
12. the boys will turn more than just a few heads by arguing VERY LOUDLY about the purpose of the position of the cherry picker parked outside the (now dirty) window,
13. a curious voice from the tribe will demand to know (TOP VOLUME): "why does that man eat so much when he is already so fat?"
14. in the midst of all the breakfast commotion, the baby will start screaming, a big boy will need the loo "very badly", and the Tribal Chief will "unfortunately have to leave" the scene in order to make a timely appearance at a scheduled meeting,
15. as the mother of the circus, your face will default to a deep shade of red and be framed with constant sparkly drops of perspiration for the entire stay.

Now some of you know that I have on occasion pensively lamented Fritz’ lonely disadvantage in life due to the sure(?) absence of a (younger) brother to share his room. Well, nothing like a hotel-sleepover to (at least temporarily) cure any such crowded musings! (When traveling) 5 boys are plenty!


  1. Oh my gosh...that brings back bad memories from the "early years" (times 5) I was exhausted reading it. Did you tell your boys that you were at a hotel and to be on their best behavior? That usually works really well. :)

  2. this is unbelievable, believable and hilarious. did all of this really happen?? I can most certainly see it happening - but that truly is ALOT for one night - you must have been absolutely exhausted and so happy to be home :)

  3. Wait, i thought you were going on a vacation? Oh, your way with words and transparency is so refreshing. What a blessing you are to us, my friend!


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